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Major Higgins's helpful notes: 1. The sphere on the left - planet Earth. 2. All the rest - space. 3. Planet Earth is a mess with a mass of around 59742000000000000000000000 kilogrammes, revolves around its axis every 23.93 hours, all of which are exceptionally dull compared to life in orbital space, because orbital life is the only part of space known to have life, Human and the far superior robotic kind. Orbital space stretches for thousands of miles out from the Earth and is crisscrossed with orbital paths, highways and of course space stations. One of them is the Roboshop! That is, Multinoid’s workshop. The most superbly interesting station in orbit. And most important! The Roboshop floats peacefully along on Orbit 18. Major Higgins Mk4 is an old British military mainframe computer installed at the Roboshop to organize things, and occasionally he does. He likes golfing software and pneumatic orchestra music. 
by MICHAEL STORM |
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4. Hrmph!
5. It was peaceful until Carl Rock, a teenage Human who persists in annoying me to no end, arrived. As always, he showed up in his absurd little spacecraft. The Jetball is a space vehicle popular among young whippersnappers, such as Carl Rock, and the means by which he transported himself to the Roboshop to participate in its total destruction and the demise of us all! 6. Let’s consider this spherical pile of rubbish for a moment. The inside of the spacecraft is the size of a walk-in closet. You stand and drive it, like a fishing boat. 7. Preposterous! 8. The Jetball’s engine is a 90 cc, liquid-cooled pulsating positron-farter that bears remarkable similarity to a two-slice bread toaster. To make matters worse, Carl has tuned it for illegal speeds. The Jetball’s exhaust nozzle not only looks like the funnel of a bass tuba – it is the funnel of a bass tuba! As a result of tasteless inspiration, Carl’s machine has two. |
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9. The anti-muddle fuse is an important safety device to prevent satellites and robots and other higher life forms from getting into awkward situations. The fuses run on anti-muddle crystals. Tiny round particles that look like mustard seeds. 10. The anti-muddle fuse is vital! They come in three sizes for the prevention of minor muddles, middle muddles and major muddles. |
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11. Now, it is my sincere wish to rid my memory banks of the memory of the horrifically disastrous adventure in which these facts and many more play a part!
12. It was utterly cataclysmic! Shocking! Beyond capability to compute! To the last second! 13. T minus the unimaginable - and counting! |
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14. What!? Is it true...?
15. Evidently! 16. To my horror, the entire antenna-raising, processor-boggling, orbit-wobbling escapade of a nightmare is being retold in a book – a book! – by another tiresome Human – Michael Storm! Just look at his initials!
17. ...absurd! |
| 18. By the orbs of Orion, how much are we supposed to take!?
19. Too much... 20. I say, where is my putter? 21. Back to Main |
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| 22. Or, if you can suffer it, here's a Flash animation stating the obvious. | |
